Thursday, June 16, 2016

Acceptable Excuses for Missing the Peckerhead Invitational

No excuses from K-Spick. No sir-ee Bob.
As you may have guessed, there are always a few folks who cannot make the ride. There always seems to be some problem or another that confounds their best efforts to attend. Sometimes, these good citizens allude to the issue in their RSVP e-mails. Though they rarely admit to it, we see these regret letters for precisely what they are: cries for help

And so, we put our heads together (both of them) and present the following solutions to the obstacles outlined below.

Case One
"In the last two weeks, my schedule has gotten all f'cked up......while you are getting on your bikes at 7:30 a.m., I will be getting on a plane........heading way way west....sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it."
Here's a clue. It probably isn't. Free your mind and your ass will follow. See you Saturday.

Case Two
"Probably will not attend this year. Running the Canton marathon the next day and even the short route may zap too much at my age. Have a great time!"
A challenging problem, this one. Allow us to offer a solution. Run the Half-Pecker. The money you save on gas and entry fees will buy you a new pair of shoes and the feat alone will earn you a lifetime exemption and automatic entry into the hall of fame. See you Saturday.

Case Three
"Thanks again for the invite but I'll be doing a race in New York that weekend.  It totally looks like you guys will have a great time.  Please keep me on the invite list for the future." 
Here's the thing about races. We love us some races, we really do. In fact there are several races that absolutely justify missing the Peckerhead to go do. They all occur in Europe, however, and unless your name is Schleck or Sagan or Zabriskie, you are not doing any of those races. Balance restored, priorities renewed. See you Saturday.

Case Four
"I'm not gonna make it this year. Unfortunately, I haven't been riding much at all this season." 
Really? Did you know that a guy on a 1956 Humbert finished the Half-Pecker in 2011? Kids do that route. Dudes on three wheeled contraptions with fishing creels strapped to the front finish that route. Saddle up on the carbon vunderbike and get here by nine. And who said anything about riding. There's a pretty good cookout around noon and the old man could use a lieutenant at the grill. Problem solved. See you Saturday.

Case Five
"I wish I could join you, but I'll be running through the night that Saturday, pacing a friend during the nighttime portion of the North Face Mohican Trail 100 Mile Run."
If you are gonna be running through the woods in the middle of the night, you might as well be shitfaced and get naked besides. Hell, I'm up for that. See you Saturday.

Case Six
"Sorry Jay, I tore my achilles a couple months ago and I am still in therapy and recovering.  It is going well but the older I get the more I want to get going and I haven't quite balanced it out yet." 
Allow me to assist. Present your physicians excuse at the sign in table. See you Saturday.

Case Seven
"I’m not going to make it this year; I’m going to try to act “like a Dad” . . . . . and take the clan on a family vacation. . . ."
We here in management endorse the family vacation. In fact, you deserve one! And since it's Father's Day weekend, you deserve to leave any day you damn well please. So here's what you do. Ride on Saturday, Leave on Sunday. Problem solved.

We are grateful to have been given to opportunity to help solve these difficult and vexing conundrums. See you Saturday. Mgt.

No comments: